Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
