Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
