he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
