i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
dude. I can hear the air.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
