It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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