she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
