Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
