areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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