you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
