In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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