You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
