Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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