I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
