idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
