went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
