I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
