Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Couch. On fire.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
