the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
