is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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