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Having a random hookup so left but love u
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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