She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
