btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
