i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
