Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
