Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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