Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
