By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
