DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
