I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
