You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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