she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
