absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
