Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
