They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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