I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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