so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
