Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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