Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What drink are we having for lunch?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Randomize
