i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize