i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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