Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
