That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
