Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also, beer. Big fan.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
