singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
