It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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