I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
