A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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