I heard we made out
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
