I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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