no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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