god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
