She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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