Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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