remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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