I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
