dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
