Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
