I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
