C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
