woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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