you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
