Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
