Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
