I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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