how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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