Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
