the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
