I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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