ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize