I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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