so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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