just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
