Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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