things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
