i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Come on in and take your pants off
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