i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
