Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
