you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
