I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
