Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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