I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize