Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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