When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I lost the right to judge tonight
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
