all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
