Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
