i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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