saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
