Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
